firecrackers

When you put them in a sleeping baby's mouth, it usually wakes up.

baby on board

Is it just me, or does seeing "baby on board" in the rear windshield of the car ahead of you make you hold down your horn, speed up, tailgate, pass recklessly on a winding double line, break-check and toss all your trash out the window at them??

"Oooo, I have a fucking baby!"

Shut the hell up and get off the road! You have no more rights or privileges than the rest of us! Get that ugly little shit out of your backseat and back on your wife's tit where it belongs!

I've been scrubbing dead babies out of the carpet all day.

Yeah, I know they're crawling all over the driveway and it's difficult to step around them at night...but from now on, everyone better start taking their shoes off at the door.